Merry and Bright

O holy night, the stars are brightly shining, It is the night of the dear Saviour’s birth; Long lay the world in sin and error pining, 'Till he appeared and the soul felt its worth. A thrill of hope the weary world1 rejoices, yonder breaks a new and glorious morn; For Our Christmas was filled with Merry, filled with Bright, and filled with Magic. Blessed doesn't even begin to describe our lives. Two beautiful nuggets, consistently reminding us of the magic of Christmas, the magic of the reason for the season, and helping us slow down and take it all in. Jax's bright blues wide open as Daddy brought the tree in - "OOOOHHHHH" he said, as his face told the story of his wonder. Tatum's sparkly eyes as she ran up the stairs every morning for 25 days, "Where's Zoodle?" as she looked for the elf on the shelf. The tearing of wrapping paper, the quiet disappointment when she realized it was a book...those are the wonders of the season. But as I sat to the side watching the nuggets open gifts, as I sat at the table eating Christmas dinner, I couldn't help but be awestruck with the amount of blessings we have. I intentionally kept the camera put away for most of Christmas, so I could enjoy "the moment." While a part of me is wondering how the hell I'm going to make a "Thank You" card without any photos, the other part of me is feeling filled with joy as I remember those moments so vividly. Merry Christmas.

Dear Nuggets...

Dear Nuggets, You are 19 months & 5 years, 4 months. Here's what you've been up to. T Nug you've been acing Kindergarten left and right. You received your end-of-year awards in early December for Math and Reading. We are so proud of you, and can't wait to see what the rest of the year brings. You love all things "pretty" and you love to walk around like the queen of the castle. You rock a heel like it's nobody's business and you love a dress & leggings. You also went hunting with Daddy this month, and rocked out some camo while waiting for the deer to appear. You love your brother with everything you've got - and you really love to "invite" him to do bad things with you. Jax - you've been opening up your heart to all the ladies, especially Mama. You are a Mama's boy through and through, but when Mama's not around - Daddy will do just fine. You love to laugh and play, and you are using more words than I can count. When you get excited you Yell out like a little dude. You're pretty much an old man in a little man's body. You have long blonde locks that Mama has to cut, and you have an adorable little bowl cut look when I'm done with you. You love to destroy, not to be malicious - but more to "see what will happen." You, nuggets fill our hearts with love. We often spend the evenings talking about how great you both are, and we spend the days texting about how proud we are of you both. We can't wait to spend Christmas with two excited nuggets. Love, Mama

Dear Ladies Who Ask Rude Questions...

Dear Ladies Who Ask Rude Questions... It is not acceptable to ask a woman when she is due. The end. No if's, and, or butts about it. It just simply should not be done. 

 Let me back it up a bit here... Soon after I had both of my babies, I was continually asked when my baby was due. This was a little (just a tiny bit) more acceptable because hell, I still had a belly. It's this littel thing most people apparently don't know about called PREGNANCY, BIRTH, and the after affects. Anywhoozle...it was whatever. The belly stuck for a bit...maybe because I looked like THIS just a few weeks before: 

 I don't know if you know this or not, but my babies like to lay horizontally in my belly. Trust me when I say...I did not wish for this. It just kinda came with the territory. Oh, and that little piece of information that Jax weighed NINE POUNDS and Four Ounces. So, ladies (mostly), I give you a pass for all those times you asked me when I was due and my response was: "Oh, my baby is (insert number) weeks old." 

 But you know what I don't give you a pass for?? Asking me in July, at 13 months post-partum, or asking me now, at 18 months post-partum, "When is your baby due?" 

 Maybe it's because I bust my ass running damn near every day in order to avoid that question. 

Maybe it's because I wear the same jeans I wore long before I ever thought of having a baby. 

Maybe it's because I am completely self-conscious about every inch of my body because of assholes asking dumb questions. 

Maybe it's because I try to exude self-confidence for my daughter so she won't be Fu$%ed in the head about her body. 

OR MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE IT'S FUCKING RUDE. SERIOUSLY. 

 Ladies, this is unacceptable. It's adult bullying at it's finest. And IRONICALLY - nearly every woman who has asked me this has been OVERWEIGHT themselves. But you don't see me saying, "Hey lady, when's your baby due?" Or "Hey lady, is that a baby in your ASS or did you just eat too much at Thanksgiving?" WHY?? Because it's rude and it's hurtful. 

 Ladies, stop bullying each other. We do a good enough job tearing ourselves down, we don't need anyone else's help.

Sincerely,

Lady who keeps her mouth shut in public.

Dear Nitro.

Dear Nitro,

You just joined our family tonight! And you have filled a void in all of hearts. We met you a few weeks ago at "the pound" and you instantly grabbed our heart strings, as you looked just.like.Pugsly. It was quite shocking, actually, but it was special to us. 

You were in an awesome program where a troubled youth worked with you 3 times a week for 8 weeks. You bonded and trained, and today you graduated. 

We waited for you, and everything fell into place in an oddly perfect way. You love to run, you love to jump, you love to play. You love a good ball, and your friends sent you home with about 20 tennis balls. Jax loves to play fetch with you. T hopes you'll snuggle. And Ryan...well...he's in love. 

Thank you for choosing us as your forever home. We can't wait to have fun with you, work with you, and have you fill our hearts. 

Love,

Mama 

Dear Jax, 18 Months

Dear Jax, You are 18 months old. Well on your way to 2, but acting like a crazy little nugget. You keep us busy little man. In fact, just this morning, your Daddy posted this on Facebook: All I want to do is take a shower. Meanwhile in the 12 mins Jaxon wrote on his face with a hi lighter, broke the stand off a picture frame, took the rugs from kitchen to living room, opened the spice rack, pushed the panic button on the remote for the house alarm, and then looks at me like he's bored. This made your Mama laugh out loud. But it's pretty much you in a nutshell. You love to get into things, to see how they work, to see what they can do. For instance...our tables are covered in pens, pencils, crayons. Our remote control is always missing. Our pictures are always on the floor. Our home smells of garlic and onion - your 2 favorite spices to dump on the floor. Our books are always strewn across the house. Our pillows are always thrown off the couch. But without those things, we wouldn't know your presence. You, little man, LOVE to wreck it. And we love you for that. We actually embrace it quite well. It's become sort of funny, after many months of being consistently astounded at how different you are than your sister. You do love to sit still and rest sometimes though - and that is when you are being read to. Much like your sister, you LOVE a good book. You love to read, you love to be read to. You love to curl up in a lap and turn pages. It doesn't really matter what book, but for some reason you have an odd obsession with the bible. You also love books with dogs in them, and train books. Speaking of trains - just like a true boy - you dig them. All kinds of trains "choo choo" is what I hear when you see them. To say that you melt hearts is probably the biggest understatement ever. You are an adorable little nugget and so easy to fall in love with. You wear your heart on your sleeve and you melt hearts. I can't wait until your in high school (not). You have quite the vocabulary these days: Daddy, Mommy, Tay Tay, Ja-tin, Puppy, Tain, Cow, Moo, Hello, Hi, Bye, Papa, Nana, Moo-ey, the list is really quite long. I can't even think of all of them. Oh Nugget, we love you so much. Thank you for keeping us on our toes. Love, Mama

Dear Brothers

Oh Brother, Where Art Thou? 

 I had to say that...I couldn't resist. Anywhoozle.

 Dear Brothers, You are two amazing rockstars who don't get enough cred on this blog, so here's your time to shine. 

Dear Old One, 

 Yes, you're old. I like to tell you that, because I know it drives you a little batty. But don't worry, you have noone everyone convinced that you get better looking with age. So you're good to go. But really, you drop everything when I throw a fit and need something. You watch my kids when I am fresh out of babysitters. You stay home with Jax when I am in trial and Ryan is gone working. You treat Tatum like a princess. You pick up the phone even though you know you are about to embark on a seriously negative conversation. You construct on my house as if it's your own...for free. You lend an ear, you lend advice. I remember the day so clearly that your rock bottom came - and that was rock bottom for the rest of us, too. But the way you have pulled yourself up is an amazement to all. You have it all - marriage, career, sobriety... You, Old One, are something amazing. Thank you.  

Dear Dennis,

 Ryan and I call you Dennis because of "Dennis the Menace." I'd be lying if I said we didn't have our disagreements. But there's something about you that keeps you tucked deep into people's hearts even with your menacing. Sure I wanted to kill you until sometime in my mid-20's. Sure you did things for the sole purpose of making me crazy. But now that I am wise, I realize it's.just.you. Maybe it's my age...or MAYBE it's because my children are you. I now see what a true blessing you are. You are a menace, but your heart is the size of Montana. You love to push buttons, but that's only because you're so damn smart you get bored easily. Your generosity is not surpassed by anyone, and your happiness is contagious. You are considered "laid back" but it should really be called "in perspective." You don't let the small things bother you - and what a blessing that is. You have life figured out. In a big way. You too, have it all - amazeballs wife, rockin' nuggets... We all think you're damn cool. 

 So, Dear Brothers, Thank you. Thank you for being my hero's all my life. Thank you for letting me be a spoiled brat and still loving me. Thank you for giving irreplaceable advice and an ear when I need one. You are both rockstars and I am truly blessed that you're my brothers. Love, Jill

Dear Pugsly

Dear Pugsly,

You went to heaven today, bud. You earned your wings, as they say, and joined some very special angels. The Rainbow Bridge was waiting for you, and I know you are jumping up and down with glee and tumor free.

I still remember the day you joined us. You were being "given up" by the 2nd family you had, and they said you followed them around too much. You bounded in the house and jumped on us, and it was love at first sight. You were "camo" colored and your blue eyes matched Ryan's. You were the sweetest little dog and I can still remember signing the paperwork to make you ours. We made silly rules that we never kept, like: you had to stay in the kennel while we were gone; you couldn't sleep on the bed or lay on the furniture. These rules were quickly broken as you wiggled your way into our hearts.

We went places together, all places. You went grocery shopping, you went on vacations, you went for walks and runs with us. You were our first baby. We dressed you up, we celebrated birthdays with you, we bought treats and toys until we were broke.

And then we had Tatum. You loved her so much. You instantly became protective of her, keeping close watch on your new baby. You would lie close, but not too close. You would sniff, but not scare. You would hover, but not touch. And she too fell hard for you.


Our family later grew by one more with Jax. Again, you protected from the day he entered this world. You would lay next to his moses basket, protecting and watching. His heart swelled when he saw you, and he would run around yelling "puppy!" He grabbed your tail and held on tight while you drug him around the house.


You, Pugs, were one of a kind. Sure you had one major fault: you were a food thief. You literally unzipped zippers of bags and lunch boxes to get to the snack on the other side. You loved when you scored a snack and no matter what the discipline was, you always did it again.

You were the smartest dog we'd ever known. You rolled over, layed down, and held a treat on your nose for hours. You were a sweetie too, making sure we were always loved. You were there on our worst days, unconditional love at its true definition.

You loved me, but your true best friend was Ryan. You saved him, really, from the hell he felt while living in Michigan. You filled the gap in his heart, you licked the tears from our faces, you gave your heart when we needed love.

A man's best friend, a lady's first baby, a child's first friend. You, Pugs, have given us all we have needed in a puppy and we are so blessed to have had you for the last 8 years. Thank you for being our puppy.

We will miss you, but we can't wait to see you crossing over Rainbow Bridge into our arms.

Love,
Mama

 

 

 

Dear Nuggets

Oh how you make our lives better.

I walk out of the office stressed, frustrated, angry. I make my way to your school and walk in the door. I hear a tiny voice saying "Mama" and look up to see a tiny little nugget with an adorable, flawless face staring at me. Baby blues bright and shiny. I watch as you run on your tip toes to your cubbie to get your lunch box. We get in the car and you serenade me on the way home with "lo u" from the backseat. You giggle at yourself. I smile at you in the mirror. 

We get home and walk in the door. I see a precious angel greeting us with "Hi Jax! Did you have a good day?" "Hi Mommy" I hear you tell me about school, whether or not you had a good day or got in a bit of trouble.

I spend the rest of the evening soaking you in, getting hugs, kisses and endless smiles. Hearing giggles and reading books. Work is a distant memory as I relax with you. My beautiful nuggets, saving me, one day at a time. 

I tuck you into bed and all I can think about is your beautiful faces. Your smiles. Your loves. 

Thank you God. 

Dear T, two months into Kindergarten

Dear T,

You are two months into Kindergarten. And what an interesting two months it has been.

Your days are filled with letters, patterns, and books. You eat cold lunch most days, with the occasional hot lunch if the menu is something that Mama will allow to you eat. You jump on the bus and wave goodbye, and come off the bus with a big smile.

You recently switched teachers due to a large class size. Your new teacher is young and fabulous, and you think she's pretty darn cool.

You say you're "bored" but we will see how that shakes out. We can't wait to see what conferences bring.

Your attitude seems a tad different as we had heard it might, but we are working on that. You are loved so much, and we can't wait to hear more about your days.

Here's to a great year.

Love,

Mama

Dear Fall

Dear Fall,

You've been so good to us. Your beauty has been abundant and the weather has been crisp , just like the apples we pick this time of year. 

We've been enjoying Fall by picking apples, eating pumpkin, hiking, playing in the crisp sunshine, and chasing chickens. 

Our yard is ready for the first snowfall and the pumpkins are out. 

Fall, you have been good to us this year. We'll be sad to see you go. 

Dear Jax, 16 ish months

Dear Jax,
You are 16-ish months! Your Mama dropped the ball and you are actually almost 17 months, so this is a 16-ish month post.

Your stats: blondie, too many haircuts to count, blue eyes, 26 lbs, and pretty tall!

You ae such a nugget these days. And you are so.loved! Everyone that comes in contact with you just wants to squeeze your cuteness.

You love to show off your smarts, too! You see a cow and you MOO with all your might! You see the chickens and you loodle loo and yell out "chicken!" You love puppies, too. Animals are your favorite friends of all time, not much different than your sister.

You talk talk talk and get crazy up in this house. You love to vandalize our home just like a crazy nugget. You "color" all over the house, but you prefer not to color on paper. You love to play cars, but you must play with 50-60 at a time. You love to play ball, but only with a baseball. And a mad left arm. You can hold your own, using your fAvorite weapon: your teeth. You chase your sister around with your mouth open.

You give kisses and hugs, complete with a "mmmmmuah."  You are a gentle giant, a teddy bear on the inside and a kamikaze on the outside. You, my little man, are your father.

You still hold true to your Mama and I couldn't be more proud. You, little nugget are at such an amazing age. We can't get enough of you.

Love,
Mama