Tidbits on the Tots

Tidbit Número Uno: Today Nagle Nugget #2 is 25 weeks young, 13 1/2 inches long, and about the size of an average rutabaga. Google it, I had to. Tidbit Número Dos: Miss T woke up from her nap with a fever of 102 big ones. We happened to be getting dumped on with snow so she begged for 45 minutes to play in the snow before I finally gave in. I think her body feels different at 102 than mine does! She loved it, pics to follow. :) Aloha!

This is Why Attorneys Shouldn't Have Babies.

I've contemplated doing an entire blog on my life as a pregnant public defender, but I've never actually taken the time to do it. The stories are endless and most of the time unbelievable, which is why I've considered making it a blog of its own. But today I couldn't resist writing about something that happened.

This fine day actually began yesterday when I picked T up from school at 5:00PM to be told she had a fever and couldn't come back to school for 24 hours. Ryan & I played the "who has the most important day" game and in the end it was me who was the chosen one to stay home with the monkey.

It wasn't my three court appearances this morning that had me worried - those could be covered by anyone. It was the appellate brief I am working on and need to finish before we leave on a jetplane to Oahu in less than 24 hours.  The control freak in me took over and I quickly downloaded Microsoft Word to our Mac so I could work on the brief from home. By 7:00 AM this morning, I was typing away on the brief and chugging down two cups of coffee. WAIT?! WHAT?! This Pregnant Public Defender doesn't drink coffee while pregnant, except on an occasional weekend or holiday. And this is neither. But today, I felt I deserved it given the lack of sleep due to the beach ball in front of me, the constant coughing of Miss T, and the "shit bunnies" - as my Dad calls them - going through my head all night.

Things go quite well from 7-8:00 when I realize it's time for T to shut off the TV so she doesn't fry her brain and become stupid get sucked into the world of TV and Video Games that I am so against. So I get her all set up with coloring pages and supplies and get back to work. "Mommy, look how pretty this is." "Mommy, I drew a mitten." "I drew a teddy bear." "Mommy, I drew a..." ALRIGHT ALREADY! I love this little nugget to pieces but seriously she hasn't stopped talking for the last 45 minutes and I haven't gotten more than one line down!  I finally get Miss T all settled in on the coloring and we both concentrate long enough for me to finish my brief.

I call my trusty paralegal and give her the instructions on the day and she says the other attorney working on this appeal (who shall not be named but most definitely is an old-school, fifty-something year old man with a huge belly who refers to himself as the best attorney in town and generally thinks women are "lesser" than him - BUT I USUALLY DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH) asked her where I was this morning as we were supposed to get our heads together on the brief. She informed him that I was home with a sick kiddo but assured him I was working on the brief from home. His reponse? "This is why attorneys shoudn't have babies." EXCUSE ME WHAT THE WTF DID YOU SAY? That's right, "THIS IS WHY ATTORNEYS SHOULDN'T HAVE BABIES."

Let me make something very clear:
1. FUCK OFF PISS OFF to all you old school, egotistical, male shouvenist, douchebags who think it's acceptable to still live in the mindset that we women should be staying home cooking, cleaning, and raising babies left and right.

But more importantly:
1. Us women, ALL of us women - even those perfect little stay-at-home Moms you're dreaming of Mr. Old Balls - we all strive to keep the perfect balance between a career or a life of our own and the life of our children and our husbands.

2. I think I've done a pretty damn good job handling my duties as a Mom and an attorney. I rarely miss work, thanks in large part to a kick-ass husband who most definitely does NOT believe I should be home raising the babies, and thanks in part to an amazing Nana & Papa who step in if I need them. I also happen to be a kick-ass organizer and scheduler and can usually juggle things around enough that you wouldn't even know I'm gone.

3. I LOVE my job as a public defender. I dreamt of this job as a law student and I am living out that dream every.single.day. I couldn't be happier and my heart jumps a beat when I think about what I actually do for a living. These clients hold a special place in my heart, even the assholes, and I think about them on weekends, evenings, holidays....

4. BUT my family is #1 and will always stay in that position. My career is great, and I am so happy, but my family is the single most important thing in this world. The memories I make with my family? Those are what will matter to me when I'm gone. The sick days with my little nugget when she needs her Mama? That's what's important to me in the longrun. The one missed day where you needed me to go over a brief with you? IT WON'T MATTER IN LESS THAN A WEEK. You will have forgotten all about it. But me? I will not forget what you said. "This is why attorneys shouldn't have babies."

AND I'VE GOT A NEWSFLASH: 

As another attorney (this one being a bitch who will never have kids because she's far too selfish and stuck on herself woman) so kindly pointed out to me in an e-mail a few weeks ago: I'm "busy populating the world" so guess what? There's another baby on the way, which I'm sure to you means I'll be DOUBLE the failure.

This Pregnant Public Defender would like ya'll to know a few things:

1. Both of these babies will be #1 in my life, along with the amazing Mr. I married - and that will NEVER change, no matter how important you think your case is.

2. I will always love this job. I will cherish it and work my ass off every single day to give my clients the best result I possibly can. But that's what you're missing - I do it for my CLIENTS. It doesn't have a damn thing to do with you or your big ass belly skilled trial practices.

3. I am just as capable more capable than most of the guys in this office who are too busy playing with themselves worrying about getting a job at a big firm making the big bucks to think about their clients. 

4. Again, just Fuck off please don't be rude.

5. Last, no I'm not some women's liberal freak. I'm just writing this to let you know that we do have brains and are capable of being a kick-ass attorney AND a kick-ass Mama. And I'm guessing you don't like it because you realize that you could never do both.

3 years, 5 months.

Three years and five months ago, I held you for the first time. Our dear Tatum, we loved you long before then. But our hearts continue to grow and fill with more love each day that we have you with us. You are smart, witty, brave, and full of giggles. Your daddy bursts with pride every time he sees you. I know Mama is a little tough on you sometimes. Maybe it's the potential I see in you. Your little working brain amazes me daily. Just know, baby girl, your Mama loves you so. Your Mama bursts with pride each time she sees you. But your Mama wants you to have the best.life.ever. Pretty soon little T, we will be back in Hawaii. A place special to our hearts. A place where we are free from rules. Free from "no's." Free from reality. We will run on the beach until our legs burn. We will play in the sand so long Daddy will tell you a pearl is gonna form in your bum crack. We will swim in the crashing waves. And this year, maybe you'll snorkel. We will fill our hearts back up with this feeling of freedom, and we will be refreshed once again. And in just 3 short months, your baby sister or brother will be here. We know you'll be the best helper. And such a lover to that little nugget. T, you don't know it, but you keep us all happy. You keep us all positive. And you give us all hope for a bright day even when it's looking gray. We love you so much baby girl. Love, Mama and Daddy Xoxoxo

F Cancer

It's January 4th at about 3 pm. I am in court and I see that GG has called me and left a voicemail. This is nothing uncommon, as GG calls all the time with random questions or thoughts.

I walk out of the courthouse and listen to my voicemail: "Hi Jill, it's Mom, can you please give me a call as soon as you get this? Thanks." My first thought is to worry, as it seems urgent. But I quickly switch to annoyance thinking that she probably has a question that's only urgent in her head but certainly no one else's. I wait until I'm in my office, shut the door, and call her back - revisiting all thoughts of urgency.

GG answers the phone with a friendly "hello" and I say "What?"

 "I'm really sorry to have to tell you this, but I do have breast cancer."
 I can still hear it over and over in my head.
 "What? How is that possible? What do you mean?"
 "Well, they made a mistake and said I didn't but I do."
 "What did they say? What do you mean?"

 I'm angry. Very angry. You see, just 5 days prior, GG had been cleared. She was told her biopsy was negative for cancer and "everything looked good." But now the world was spinning. GG was quiet - in shock really - and not giving me any concrete answers. I was getting more and more pissed and the conversation quickly ended. I sat in my office and soaked it in. How could this be happening? My Mom can't get sick. I need her. But most importantly, everyone else needs her. Tatum. Her Nana is her BEST.FRIEND. And T is only 3 1/2. They have a lifetime of memories to make.

Fast forward 7 days and I'm sitting in the lobby of Cancer Care Northwest with my Mom on one side and my Dad on the other. I brought my iPad so I can look at junk online and take my mind off things, but I can't help but look around. To my left I see a closet full of toys, games, crayons and other fun things for kids. I get sick thinking of the children that have to see this lobby. I look in front of me and see very sick people, some with no hair, some with adorable hats on, some that look frightened and scared just like us.

The oncologist meeting takes 3 hours. And we find out that yep, GG has breast cancer.  But we don't know how big yet.  That will come later, after another 6 day wait. Oh, and the surgery? That's not for another 14 days. Patience is a virtue.  The details of GG's Journey can be found at http://nonnagg.blogspot.com.

I've had time to process what's going on, but that doesn't mean I've dealt with it. My first thought at the oncologist office was FUCK CANCER.

About 2 hours into the meeting with the oncologist I got a text message from Ryan: "How are you?" My response: "Fuck Cancer." I still feel that way. I also feel HOPEFUL, very very HOPEFUL, and deep deep down hidden under the worry and angst, I do believe it will be small and early - the most important things to help GG kick this cancer's ass. But I'm still pissed. You see, I like to control things. As you might imagine, I don't have much control over this. So instead I'll get pissed.

Instead of ending this post with Fuck Cancer - maybe I will end  it with this instead:

Dear Lord,
Please help my family and I to NOT BE AFRAID. To trust in you Lord, and know that GG will beat this. To NOT BE AFRAID, and know that in about 20 or so years, GG will be standing at the front of a church watching her best friend get married, or maybe sitting at the front of a convention center watching her best friend graduate from college, or maybe she'll be waiting in the lobby of a Vet Clinic waiting for her best friend to give a checkup to her hearing dog. You see, Lord, her best friend is Tatum  - or at least that's what Tatum says - and she has a lot of memories to make with her before we're done with her. And Lord, that doesn't include the memories she has to make with her other Grandchildren. You see Lord, in 20 years, she might be wearing something extra fancy on the East Coast while she attends her famous Grandaughter's art show. Or she might be rushing through the streets of New York to catch her Grandson's performance in a broadway musical. And Lord, she might even be doing something extra special with her future Grandchildren.  She might be sitting at a very important golf tournament while one of her future Grandchildren qualifies for the PGA Tour. You see Lord, she's done so much already with her amazing husband, kids, and own family - but it wouldn't be fair if her Grandkids didn't get to make those memories. So remind us of this when we start to get down:

and let us cherish each and every single moment and let us join together to help GG fight this cancer. And Lord, please place your hand upon GG's shoulder and let it rest there for the next 14 days or so.  She needs it. But my most important prayer Lord, is a prayer of Thanks. THANK YOU GOD for awesome technology that will hopefully lead to early detection, THANK YOU GOD for letting us live so close to GG and be able to walk through this journey with her, THANK YOU GOD for an amazing medical community and oncologist, THANK YOU GOD for GG's strong faith in you that will carry her through this, and THANK YOU GOD for the family and friends that have formed a circle around GG to carry her when she needs it.

Happy 2012!

Happy 2012!

I love a new year, a fresh start, a do-over if you will. We had a wonderful NYE with our friends and had a 3 year old party complete with fireworks and a "ball dropping" at 8pm sharp. 

T stayed with Nana & Papa on the 1st day of January and we headed to the Casino for some adult fun. We never go there, and it is definitely not someplace we would take T, so it was perfect. To top it off, Mama won $500.00 betting $0.20 a pop on a penny machine. That.Was.Awesome.

We finished up the weekend with a trip to the ski hill for some tubing. The guy at the hill said he'd never seen a pregnant lady tube - but trust me, this baby liked it. :)

And T had her FIRST ballet class. What a sweet little sport for 3 year old princesses.

 T with our Cookie Clock

 T & PJ in their NYE gear.

 Here's to a New Year Pete, Here's to a New Year.

 All dressed up for the casino. 

 My winning screen!

 Family tubing.

 So dainty.

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas from the Nagle's. 

Early Christmas

We celebrated Early Christmas & Nana & Matthew's birthdays in early December. It was a fun-filled, packed weekend of "Disney's Toy Story 3 on Ice" and our own Ice Skating. We had a great time and Nana GG was thrilled to have her entire family here.

The next weekend we had a great time with our Spokane Friends having an early Christmas. It was wonderful to get together and enjoy each other's company while the kids ran rampant in the Smith's basement (sorry guys...).  Santa even made an appearance, which was amazing.  The kids all got a little gift and really got excited for Christmas. :)

 Daddy & T on the Ice!

 Woody & the aliens on the ice.

 The Whole Gannon family.

T on Santa's lap.